Numbed

I’ve knifed myself
And needled me too
I’ve seen myself fall
Into broken
After all practice makes you perfect.

So me bleeds
And I look away
Me screams but
I can’t hear
Cuz there’s no sound left.

My heart or what’s left of it anyways
Does beat no more
But I can’t feel that
Cuz its been shredded to slivers.

Sometimes, in the night
When I hear that or those songs
From my well forted clutches
Escape, before I can hold them
A tear or two.

I’m dialing the numbers then
Can I ever forget them?
The phone is ringing
Call picked or ignored
I have no idea
Which is worse.

But oh but wait
I don’t have to worry
It was a dream
The phone is lying far away.

Its thunders and lightening
Inside my head
But hey I forget I am
Deaf and blind
Tell me universe
Is there a difference
Between love
and hurt?

I stay holed up
Wall myself in
The world outside
My world is too
Scary, wounded
And though shredded
The slivers of my heart
Still ache
And poke out of my
Destructive consciousness.

The phone rings at times
But I don’t want to answer
Because it opens a window
Into that world.
Not yet ready I’m not.
Someday ready or not
I’ll have to step out.
Or at least pretend.
Either ways I stay
Hooked to being numbed.

https://adya00.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/numbed/ ©Copyright 2014, Adya Vac

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